Amber King My story

Bitterness, anger, depression, anxiety, fear, brokenness, ashes. 5 years ago. This was me.

Marriage was not as easy as I imagined. It was messy. Instead of seeking help or council, embarrassed that I was struggling so early on in married life... I became enraged, bitter, cold. Eventually, I turned to comfort in the arms of another man. Months later I would become pregnant as a result of my sin. As my belly grew, so did my pain. During all of this, I would lie in bed asking God, to just take my life. I didn’t want to hurt myself. I just didn’t want to wake up. I would contemplate horrible thoughts and ideas. Things just kept getting worse. More complicated. More painful. Everything would be easier if me or the baby didn’t survive.

I lost is everything. My husband, my home, my job. I was 8 months pregnant with a child that I could not celebrate. But I was not alone.

My family rallied around me, outpouring more love and support than I ever knew possible. I had disappointed them, broken their hearts, yet... they were there. My mom and sister, wiping my tears, squeezing my hands as a pushed through labor. And there, in July of 2016, in Texarkana, I birthed my greatest sin. And in an instant that also became my greatest gift. God was there.

God saw fit to rescue me from myself. From my sin and self destruction. He took everything. And I deserved that. God will not allow his children to live in sin, unscathed. He chastens who he loves. I was Naomi, returning to Bethlehem. I was Jonah in the belly of the whale. I was Sampson, waking up to his cut hair. But I also was HIS.

Given all the stress during my pregnancy, it’s a miracle Sully even survived. God is so good. He turns ashes into beauty. He makes things new. He made me new. He went to further lengths than I’m sure he wanted to, but I needed it. I was the 1. I was the prodigal son. The lost sheep. The leper. He will do anything to fight Satan for what’s His. I am a child of God. I cannot be plucked from my Father’s hand. Even when I try to squirm away from his grip.

I deserved death. But he gave me a new beginning. He gave me life. He gave me Sully. And when I look upon my child’s face, I don’t see my sin or my failures... I see the beautiful amazing grace of the Father. I see mercy. I see Jesus.